Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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