I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
