So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
