If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
