Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
