Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We have started to decorate penises.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
