It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
