Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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