Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
