I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
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