im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
