she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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