omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize