On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
