yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
