The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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