Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
