I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
