Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
