you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
