Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
