I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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