he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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