There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
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