i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
