Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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