Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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