1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
