A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
