The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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