someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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