Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
