my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
