I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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