You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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