my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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