My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
