a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
