if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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