I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
