Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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