The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
