Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
