I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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