Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
please come you make the beer taste better
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
