how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You left your phone here
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