My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
