Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
