One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
