Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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