ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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