Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
