shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize