I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
