I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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