I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
