We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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