listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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