I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
