bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
