there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
