Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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