She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
