between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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