you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize