apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
