When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
