Dual....:-)
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's paint friendship bongs
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
