Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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