I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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