Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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